There are 4 passages in the gospels in which the Lord instructs us regarding marriage, divorce and remarriage.
Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery. Matthew 5:31,32
The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” Matthew 19:3-9
The Pharisees came and asked Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” testing Him. And He answered and said to them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her.” And Jesus answered and said to them, “Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’ so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” In the house His disciples also asked Him again about the same matter. So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” Mark 10:2-12
Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery. Luke 16:18
These are the basic rules God has given with regard to marriage, divorce and remarriage:
- God joins a man and woman in marriage. What God has joined together… Matthew 19:6
- Marriage is for life. For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. Romans 7:2
- God forbids divorce. The Lord the God of Israel says that he hates divorce. Malachi 2:16. What God has joined together let not man separate. Matthew 19:6. This applies also to the unequal yoke of believer and unbeliever. If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. I Corinthians 7:12
- God forbids remarriage while a divorced spouse still lives. Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery. Luke 16:18, as well as the other passages quoted above.
We should not pass quickly over these fundamental laws in order to come to the question of exceptions to them. We do not want to fall into the error of the Pharisees in Matthew 19 who were so focused on the exception that Moses had made that they forgot the teaching of Genesis 2. Especially we must not forget that the fundamental rules of Scripture are 1) no divorce and 2) no remarriage while a divorced spouse lives. Whatever exceptions God allows are exceptions, not foundational principles.
The question of exceptions to these rules centers especially on Matthew 19:9: Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.
There is, then, at least one exception to the law against divorce. If a spouse has committed sexual immorality God permits the innocent party to initiate divorce.
We may add to this exception two more: In I Corinthians 7 God permits a believing husband or wife to let an unbelieving spouse depart, if that is the unbelieving spouse’s will. The general Scriptural principle that the law was not meant to destroy life, but to preserve it, also allows a wife to divorce her husband to protect her own life and well-being, or the life and well-being of her children.
Generally speaking Reformed churches have also held that there is an exception to the law against remarriage. In the case of divorce on the ground of sexual immorality the innocent party may remarry.
I want to challenge that exception, and defend the idea that remarriage is never allowed except in the case of the death of one’s spouse.
This position depends on an understanding of Matthew 19:9 that is different from the usual understanding.
Matthew 19:9 unites three conditions: 1) a man divorces his wife, 2) his wife has not committed sexual immorality, and 3) he remarries. When those three conditions are met then the man in divorcing his wife commits adultery. Again, we must not pass by that too quickly: the man who divorces his wife unlawfully and marries another commits adultery.
But the usual interpretation of this passage draws another conclusion from it: that when the second of the conditions is not met, that is, when the wife has committed sexual immorality, then the remarriage of her husband is not adultery. But this is not a necessary conclusion. That combination of conditions is not considered. The text does not tell us directly what to think when the conditions are: 1) the wife has committed sexual immorality, 2) the husband divorces her, and 3) he remarries. We cannot, from Matthew 19:9, legitimately conclude that the remarriage of the husband is permitted, because Matthew 19 is silent about it. That, in connection with the other passages quoted above, is enough to bring the whole question of remarriage after divorce into the realm of things forbidden.
There’s more that we can say. Whoever marries the divorced wife commits adultery. The question is, which of the two possibilities is under consideration here? Does this apply to the woman whose husband lawfully divorced her? Does it apply to the woman whose husband unlawfully divorced her? Does it apply to both?
In both cases there are difficulties. If it applies to the woman who was lawfully divorced, that is, divorced because of her sexual immorality, then the problem is that it is difficult to explain why her remarriage is called adultery. Her husband has divorced her lawfully. According to the traditional view he is free to remarry, which would mean that the bond with his first wife has been dissolved, and no longer exists. Why then should she not be free to remarry, especially if she repents of her sexual immorality? And why is any new union she contracts called adultery, that is, violation of the marriage bond?
If the restriction applies to the woman unlawfully divorced, that is, divorced for some other reason than sexual immorality and her husband remarries, he commits adultery. He violates the marriage bond with his first wife. It would seem, therefore, that he is still, in the eyes of God, married. But if her husband has divorced her and remarried, thus committing adultery, does she not have grounds for a lawful divorce. Can she not, in fact, consider her divorce to be lawful because her husband has committed adultery? Shouldn’t she, then, be free to remarry? Further, if her husband has unlawfully divorced her and married another, his unlawful divorce and remarriage has made him guilty, not of sexual immorality, but of adultery, that is, of violation of the marriage bond. In the eyes of God and in spite of the divorce the bond with his first wife still exists and he violates it by marrying another. If the bond still exists, how can he be forbidden to remarry, and she be free? Yet the text, even as interpreted by those who allow for remarriage in the case of adultery, forbids her to remarry: whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.
Luke 16 also sheds light on this passage. There the Lord says, Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.
Here we have a woman unlawfully divorced. Her husband has committed adultery, has violated the marriage bond, by putting her away and marrying another. She, therefore, has grounds for a lawful divorce, and is divorced. Yet, Jesus says that whoever marries her commits adultery. We cannot here appeal to any exceptions, because the usual exception is exactly the thing under consideration here as far as the wife is concerned. The only case under consideration is an unlawful divorce and remarriage by her husband. She is wholly innocent, her husband has committed adultery, a divorce has taken place, but whoever marries her commits adultery.
It would seem then that the only safe conclusion to draw is that remarriage is always forbidden, except in the case of the spouse’s death.