One of the means our Lord has provided both to keep us from sin and to bring us back from it is brotherly admonition. The health of the church and its members demands it, but we seldom use it when we should.
Probably there are many reasons for it, but I suspect that the main reason is the individualism of our times. We do not bear well even the legitimate “interference” of parents and governments; the censure of equals is intolerable presumption. “Who do you think you are? What right do you have to tell me what I should do? Self-righteous prig! You’re just as bad or worse. Get off my case.” And so we don’t admonish or exhort or rebuke. We shut our mouths and let our friends, family members, and brothers and sisters in Christ slide undisturbed down the broad way to destruction.
David’s words in Psalm 141:5 should bring us up short. Let the righteous smite me; it shall be a kindness: and let him reprove me; it shall be an excellent oil, which shall not break my head. The Hebrew is even stronger. The word that the KJV translates as smite means “pound.” It’s the word used in Judges 5:26 of Jael’s pounding the tent peg through Sisera’s head. And the word translated as reprove has strong legal connotations. We could translate as “accuse.” Let the righteous pound me; it is kindness: and let him accuse me; it is oil on the head. Do not let my head forbid it.
David wanted righteous men to rebuke him for his sins. He saw such admonition as kindness and refreshing oil for his head. He understood the impulse we all have to rebel—do not let my head forbid it—but he fought it back and promised instead prayer for his accusers in their troubles: Yet my prayer also shall be in their calamities.
The law of God says, You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely rebuke your neighbor, and not bear sin because of him (Lev. 19:17, NKJV). Failure to rebuke (the same word translated reprove in Psalm 141) is hatred. You have an obligation to do it. You become complicit in his sin if you don’t.
The tender mercies of the wicked are cruel (Prov. 12:10). That applies also to the mistaken kindness of not warning against sin. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful (Prov. 27:6). Be ready then to admonish, rebuke, warn and call to repentance. That is love.
On the other hand, be willing to receive admonition from others. That is wisdom. Rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee. Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be yet wiser: teach a just man, and he will increase in learning (Prov. 9:8–9). If your brother gives you a verbal beating that you deserve, thank him and thank God for a faithful friend.
We all need admonition at times. We all need at times to rebuke others. Especially in the church, we need to work at creating an environment which is counter-cultural also in this respect: that we can speak harshly to each other without fear of spiteful verbal retaliation. May God grant us this grace also, so that what Paul said of the Romans may be true of us: And I myself also am persuaded of you, my brethren, that ye also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another (Rom. 15:14).